- hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said “u r next” They stopped that when I did the same to them after funerals.
- ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction.
- Anybody can make a mistake. It takes real dedication to make all of them.
- Just like in mathematics, pie has a considerable bearing on my circumference.
- ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬
- I have washboard abs. They just have a little laundry on em right now.
- I’d buy an exercise machine but I’m not in good enough shape to get it up the stairs.
- Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.
- My ex-wife asked me for a present that “goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds” – so I bought her a bathroom scale.
- My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.
